novel | 2017 | 192 pages

The adventures of a slightly overconfident man, as told by a slightly underwhelmed first person omniscient narrator.

"Now, I suppose, is a good time for a more thorough portrait of this man, since I appear to be narrating his story. He is thirty-eight, in extremely fit condition, muscular, and mad. He comes from a wealthy family in which honor and accomplishments are highly esteemed. I before mentioned his mother. It is she who has given him the greatest thoughts of exploration. She was never one for an easy life, and on her last trip to Africa, it is known that she once confronted an angry jaguar with nothing but a pistachio and a vial of beige lipgloss. Unfortunately it is to be related that she did suffer a minor scratch on her leg that, being far from medical attention, caused deep infection. By the time of her return home, she was almost immobile, and died shortly thereafter. Lord Bisnick, being her son, attended her funeral, and was so moved by the fiery proclamations of her wit and courage that he too decided to become an explorer. He was, at the time, six months old. This incomprehensible cry can still be heard from his lips today, declaring himself an explorer in the family line. Some say the only difference now is two hundred pounds and a beard."

There is a man who has tamed lions the size of the sun with the might of his fists. His name is Bisnick von Quince. Hailing from his highly advanced motherland, he has set his eyes on kingship of the Aegean, and all that lives in it. Setting sail on a raft made of forty-nine planks, what ensues is a farcical tale of adventure over, in, and under the Greek isles.

The download comes with this novel, a wallpaper, and music for the spontaneous song that occurs in the novel, so you can sing along to the surprise of whoever happens to be nearby. Enjoy.